Bite.

It’s been four days since we opened our new show, Bite the Bullet. The premiere itself felt a little lack-luster, to be honest. Maybe it’s because it’s my third opening, or perhaps it is a result of the show opening on a Monday, but whatever the reason, the energy in the air was not exciting, but instead anxious and quiet.

Now, as I’m sure you’re aware from my last few posts, I was not happy with the direction the show was headed. Some of that sentiment had changed by the time we opened, some of it had not. Be Skeptical, while not entirely similar to my original draft, contained enough of my personal opinion that I was proud to perform it in front of an audience again. And Conservative/Off remains a script that I am surprised at. There are enough pieces in the show that I am excited to be a part of; Matt’s conclusion to the show is a brave and elegant choice for a Boom Finale, for example. Date-Frat is also a great and brave piece for the Boom stage.

However, much of the rest of the choices made during this artistic revolution left me feeling numb and disappointed. So far, our reviewers have felt the same. As of today, we’ve received three reviews, all of them negative. One of the reviewers did single out Skeptical as a highlight of the show, but I don’t know the real wording of the piece as the actors/writers have not yet seen any of the print done on Bullet.

There is a bitter part of me that is smugly delighted to receive negative reviews. I know that the producer was doing his best to keep the show headed along a specific course, but my instinct tells me that this vision was dictated by a need to please the papers, as opposed to a clear artistic desire to make a Show. The best show Boom has ever done was about American Politics. I can’t shake the feeling that it is uncomfortable to pretend to be Dutch. The producer (and director?) seem to want nothing more than to be accepted as members of the Amsterdam Elite, and to do this, they have to become nederlanders - or so they believe.

I think the only way to make a truly strong statement is to remain true to your own identity, to say the things that come rushing out of your throat, to pay heed to the things which affect you - whether it be environmental or social. For example, a scene about videogames might not be universal, but the way those games affect me, personally, will be something that resonates louder than any newspaper cop-out. Religion may not be “relevant” to the audience, but the desperation with which I attack it will allow the art and comedy to harmonize. The best thing I can do as a comedienne is to give voice to my journey so that others can laugh at it because they identify similar things in themselves. Theo van Gogh doesn’t affect me, so the jokes I tell about him will be shallow. Gay Marriage in the states is something I wanted to talk about, but didn’t get to in the end. I bet that my opinions on the latter would have been more appealing to any reviewer, despite the fact that Holland is So Over Homosexuality.

The alumni are here, and I’ve spent some time talking with them about their careers and their struggles, and it sounds like it never changes. Nicole is on MadTV, and her ideas are shat on weekly by the untalented production department. The same is true for Seth at SNL. I want to find a place where I can achieve a balance between no and yes. Somewhere in-between MadTV and Episode 1. Any artist should be happy to get told no once in a while, otherwise you end up with bloated, anti-art like Matrix 2 or The Phantom Menace. But there should also be space to allow a vision to get through intact.

This entry rambles because what I’ve taken away from Bite the Bullet is so mixed. My fellow actors are so incredible. Every one of them is extraordinary. My director is someone I would love to work with again. But the sum of the process left me hungry to create something truly revolutionary, in a place where reviewers are welcome but never invited. To put up a show that is brave and personal. BtB has elements of this, which is why it remains frustrating.

M.L. King, Spiderman, Paris Hilton, Matt Jones, Osama and Dr. Skeptical all say good-night.

This is what the internet is for:

Here’s a link to a great, old-fashioned “Homepage.” You know, the kind that started the internet … the pages about people. And their strange obsession with … fantasy? Unicorns? What does this woman believe? Oh wait … she tells you what she believes.

Zombie Game

This site is supposed to show you enhancements possible through photoshop retouching. It’s a portfolio of stars, and when you mouse-over, you can see the original image. But after viewing the gallery for a bit, it became a morbid game of “Turn the Celebrities into Zombies!” I suggest you turn off the lights, put on some scary music, and view the photos as if the people were banging on your windows.

Angry.

Yesterday, at the one-year-to-the-date moment where Why Aren’t You Happy Yet was torn from us and turned into a show that no one wanted to perform, our producer and director took apart the opinions of Bite the Bullet and deconstructed it into a show that I hate.

We are not Dutch People. We are, at best, wanna-be Nederlanders. And yet we are creating a show that tries to make us appear Dutch to reviewers. It seems as socially awkward as an all-Chinese Texas Rodeo.

Also, I am angry because I feel that one of the best things I’ve ever written, “Be Skeptical,” (my anti-religious song) was torn to shreds yesterday. Overnight, our Director re-wrote the song. Completely. This happened after I had been retooling lyrics for almost 6 weeks. He wanted it to be “relevant.” Apparently, no one who ever comes to our show is religious, so my opinions and jokes are invalid. Apparently it isn’t enough to see the song picked out as a “favorite” on audience comment cards over and over again. It isn’t enough to hear from multiple members of the staff and crew that it is their favorite moment in the show. No, the song is irrelevant.

So what is the song about now? The Palestine-Israeli conflict. Not only that, but the scene that preceded it has been thrown away, and now my character (by the director’s admission - nonsensically) enters into another scene to sing this freak version of my tune.

We were given four things to focus on at the beginning of this process. We wanted the show to contain:

1. The personal opinions of the actors.
2. Examine the roll of the US in the world.
3. Deconstruct modern day Holland.
4. Examine the current “holy” cold war.

This was the content that we had to focus on during our “Artistic Revolution.” Great. Well, you can toss number one out the window right now. There is nothing that we can say or do that will be an appealing opinion to the upper-management if it doesn’t coincide with their own personal opinions. If the director or producer were personally anti-religious, then you bet that song would have been in the show. But they personally don’t care, so I am forced not to care.

We have one sketch about number two. And one sketch about number four. As for number three - well, we have almost an entire act of Holland Content.

Be Skeptical (in its most recent draft, some 14 drafts away from where I began) is irrelevantly

The scene involved a confessional that had been taken over by a professor in a lab coat. Think Mary Poppins, but malicious. A girl starts to confess her sins and the professor sings this song with her.

First Cut.

After a totally mediocre show last night, I was informed that the first of my sketches has been cut. Called, “Not-Zis,” it was a presentational piece, like a public-service-announcement, which illustrated the similarities between a Fascist regime and the current American political atmosphere. It wasn’t too preachy. Maybe it was a little too silly to be intelligent, but … who knows.

For the text of the sketch, please

Now, of course, every sketch reads better with people in it. But I think there are some laughs in this sketch even on paper. And in a show that is supposed to be about opinions, I felt it had a place in the piece. Unfortunately, Pep believes that the sketch hits too many similar anti-American ideas as my darling, Conservative-Off. Conservative off is a character piece about an interrogation at Guantanamo. Not-Zis is an infomercial. Saying that they are similar is a little like saying that we can’t have two sketches that take place in cars in Amsterdam. Which, by the way, we do have.

Still, I’ve got to pick my battles. And I’ll film Not-Zis (say it quick) myself and post it on the web … and then I own the damn thing. Assuming no one reads the sketch here and does just that.

More on the Final Process

I was searching through LJ entries today, as well as my personal bound journals, for entries on the last two times I opened a show here at Boom. Just to get some perspective, you know? I was disappointed and surprised to find that I hadn’t written much during the writing of Boom Saves or Happy Yet. I’d love to write some thoughts down on this, final process … as we are10 days away from opening Bite the Bullet.

It’s hard to find the energy to comment on these things while they’re happening. 12-13 hour days, every day, for almost two months, renders me slightly speechless. Very soon, we’ll be cutting sketches from the show, and I know that some of my work will be put on the chopping block. Which is going to be hard to swallow, since for the first time in a very long while, I’m proud of what I’ve written. I don’t know if it will make it into the show, but Conservative-Off and Be Skeptical are things that I would be excited to include in a writing packet for any job.

The hardest part of the process has to be the insensitivity of our producer. Calling content “sophomoric” is not the best way to motivate your performers/writers/designers. (Especially when he was the very person who suggested said content to begin with.) When four of us leave the theater to write what we believe is the content he requests, and upon returning are chastised with, “you’re terrible listeners!” it makes it difficult to write anything. I would go more into depth, but they’re petty things that won’t matter in a few months. The sum of it will leave a bad taste in my mouth, but that’s it. I wish that our producer could be a hero, but instead he’s just human.

Dan, Lauren — you’re in for an experience that no one will be able to describe to you before you arrive. And once you’re here, you won’t be able to convey it to anyone else, save those in your new Fraternity: Boom Chicago. I’m proud of you both, excited for you, envious, and a little bit … anxious for you. There’s a lot of shit that happens here, but also a ton of rewards. And Holland is like a weird uncle that you just have to get used to, but once you do, it’s a great place to live.

It’s wild to watch Matt suffer through all the growing pains of the process. I hear words come out of his mouth that I said two years ago. I know that for each person, it’s a unique experience and that I don’t know specifically what he’s going through, but there are some universal things that both dull your individuality and also help one grow into a more mature comedian. At least, I think. Maybe. Who knows what the end result is; maybe we’re worse off, maybe we’re better. Maybe we’re just different.

There are things about the show that I’m still disappointed with. The opening, for example, is not as theatrical as I want it to be; instead, it’s simply two actors doing stand-up. And I still believe the content is too modular - our attempts at linking sketches are like elastic chords stretched taut. My vision of what an “Artistic Revolution” meant turned out to be more ambitious than what the director wanted. I don’t ever want to alienate an audience - our job is comedy, and we are performing for them, not for ourselves. But as of now, I don’t think that this is BC’s Piñata Full of Bees. Boom has taught me that it is possible to have your cake and eat it too. Sometimes you just have to change the recipe a little first. Unfortunately, I think that we’re just eating cake right now. Eck. Does that even make sense?

Well, I gotta go to rehearsal. Here we go! Toodle-Pip.

And then …

Hey. This is about as terrible as they come. Christians who believe that Pterosaurs still exist, because Evolution does NOT exist. So they’re gonna prove it by bringing back a “thunder lizard.” Just like the one killed by confederate soldiers in the Civil War. If anyone can find evidence that the website is fake, please, please forward it to me.

(http://objective.jesussave.us/pterosaurs.html)

The Mash.

America, fuck yeah we stand as one.

Please don’t click on the mash unless you’ve seen the original in my last post. This one is not as funny.

The Process … stress … and … vacations.

Hey hey hoo!

So, lately we’ve been working our 12-14 hour days at Boom, gearing up the new show “Bite the Bullet”. The material is extraordinary; it will be the perfect final show before I head back to the USA.

(Click there to see all the reasons I’m heading home.)

What’s great about this year’s show is that everyone has submitted dazzling material. Everyone’s got a slot to show off their sense of humor, and it makes me extremely proud. The BtB cast is really strong, and unless our producer steps in and adds too much gum to the gears, it’s going to be a very provocative and unusual show for Boom. We’ve got multiple sketches that tackle terrorism, belief, religion, Amsterdam, American Foreign Policy … and a few silly pieces too. As it stands right now, there is very little improv in the show. Perhaps that will change next week, maybe it won’t. I am pro-third-act improv, meaning that I think the show should stand as an improv-frij zone, and then the show be followed with a set, like Second City apparently does.

In other news, I’m Going To Japan!!!! I have a double-vacation planned for late May. It’ll be my first trip in more than a year away from the show, and I’m overwhelmed by how sweet the trip will be. I land in LA on the 15th of May, see a Final Fantasy Orchestral Concert on the 16th, celebrate Josh’s birthday with a midnight showing of Star Wars on the 18th, and then fly to Japan on the 19th! I’m spending 9 Days In Japan!! I’ll hit LA for one day on the way back through.

So let’s get lunch! I’ve got a lot of people to see in a very short amount of time. Scott, Dan and Lauren, Rachel, Will … wanna get some Lunch!? I’ve gotta drop by the Boom people too; Jordan, Brendan, Josh, Ike, Nicole … I can’t drive anymore because my lisence expired, so pick me up and take me to pancakes!

YooooooooooO!!

Back to work for me! And don’t forget; I’ll be in Vienna in early May ….